about me
Listen to silence, it has so much to say.
-Rumi
It all started at a Round Table Pizza parking lot. I had just finished dinner with my friend, her daughter, and my three young kids. As we were leaving the restaurant, my friend and I were trying to carry on a conversation. My kids were talking loudly, teasing, fighting, and literally hanging all over me. I was a full time mom who had put her career on hold, married to a spouse who traveled a lot in a super demanding job. We were living in a fast paced town that seemed to value pushing yourself to the limit as well as pushing your kids academically, athletically, musically, and anything else you could think of. It felt like I was living in a whirlwind. I could no longer hear myself. I stopped, looked my friend directly in the eyes and said, “I want to go somewhere where nobody talks to me.” The next day she emailed me a link to a silent beginners meditation retreat at a place called Yokoji-Zen Mountain Center, tucked up far and away in the San Jacinto Mountains, above Idyllwild, CA, and my journey began.
I like to say I came into Zen through the back door. I didn’t read about it, seek it out, or try to do what all the books said. I just showed up, learned how to sit zazen, and sat. I had zero expectations. I just simply showed up and sat zazen again and again and again. And then my life changed. I began to feel a constant underlying bliss, happiness, calmness, contentedness, and connectivity that I wasn’t looking for or expecting.
I continued to attend more silent Beginner's Mind Sesshins. I started listening to recorded Dharma talks given by Tenshin Roshi, Abbot of Yokoji-Zen Mountain Center, as often as I could. I challenged myself with week long silent Sesshins. I met face to face with Tenshin Roshi at every opportunity I had. I began to read and study more and more about this beautiful thing I’d stumbled upon called Zen. And I sat. Most of all, I sat zazen. Through trial and error I created
Jill Brenek
Zen Practitioner / Meditation Instructor
my meditation practice. A strong, daily, sustainable practice. And I saw how slowly the practice began to seep into my daily life. How the practice and my life were becoming one.
Friends took notice. Family members commented on my state of being. People began to ask me to teach them. I began to teach, first friends, then friends of friends. I was teaching adults, teenagers at a crisis center, and soon even middle school kids. I realized anybody could learn this, how simple it really was, and I knew first hand what a valuable tool it was. I came to find out many people had heard about the benefits of meditation but few actually knew how to meditate. I realized I loved teaching. I loved sharing this thing called zazen and my passion for Zen that changed my life.
I am not a Zen Master but I can teach zazen (sitting meditation). I can teach this form of Zen meditation and I can share my love of Zen. I do not live a quiet life of solitude up in the mountains. I live in a busy household, located right outside the bustling city of Los Angeles, juggling three very different children, a dog, a cat, a lizard, a husband who works long hours, and my own business - and I’m doing it. I’m meditating every day. I am living proof that meditation works. And now I am here for you. To hold your hand and help you get started. To help you create your practice.
My sessions have no bells and whistles. They are not based on any recent trends or new apps you may have heard about. I teach zazen, a form of Zen meditation that has been around since the 6th century. Guided meditations can be great, but that is not what I do. I like to say guided meditation is like sitting in the passenger’s seat while someone else is driving. I don’t do that. I don’t do the driving. I teach you how to drive your own car. I am going to teach you how to meditate on your own. Any time, any place. All you need is yourself. All you ever needed is yourself. All you have to do is just show up.
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~Jill